the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize