i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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