chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize