I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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