well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
