apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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