I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
