i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
