i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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