Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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