anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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