I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
