well I can't set my house on fire every night
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
