I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
