we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
