If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Come on in and take your pants off
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
