Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
And then the night went full on bisexual.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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