your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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