sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize