he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
