If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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