Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
