that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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