Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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