I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We had sex on a dog bed..
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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