Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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