it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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