Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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