I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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