so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
