ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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