I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
