I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
