I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
