no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
