I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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