she woke up with a sticky ear
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
