mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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