My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
