i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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