My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
