At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
