I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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