it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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