My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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