sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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