Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
