i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
