And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
