I hate your face
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
