My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
