i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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