I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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