I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I checked into jail on foursquare
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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