First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
