listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
