i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
