Pappa wants mamma naked
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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