I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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