every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
