I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
