there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
