My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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