Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
