I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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