So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
