Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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